The holidays have arrived. You will likely be encountering relatives at the family holiday dinner that you have issues with. Possibly, you have been thinking about how mad you are at your brother’s wife, or your father, or your sister (just fill in the blanks).

You choose to:

a. not attend the family gathering
b. attend with your list of grievances and corner the person to unload
c. bottle it up and put on a stiff upper lip
d. sit back and make snippy comments OR
e. work on forgiveness in advance

Forgiveness is not an easy road to take. Frankly I never learned about it at school, nor at Sunday School, where I was admonished to do it. Furthermore, forgiveness was not modeled in my home. Needless to say, it was years before I even seriously tackled the matter.

The problem with lack of forgiveness is that the victim is saddled with bitterness, anger, and thoughts of revenge. These body and heart-damaging emotions can continue until death (and, I believe, into future lifetimes). At best, the feelings are just hanging around in the background of one’s life.

When you forgive, it doesn’t mean that you have to forget. Forgiving just means that you let go of the angst and resentment, and wish the other well. Forgetting would be foolish if it meant re-engaging in a similar pattern that was hurtful. You may decide to never spend time with this person again, nor put yourself in a vulnerable position with him or her. But you drop the misery around the injury or insult. You let it go.

I will not pussy foot about it – Forgiveness is hard. So, how do you go about forgiving? In my experience, the most important part is a strong desire and will to do so.

What has worked for me is combining use of the Ho’Oponapona Prayer with EFT tapping. Just saying “I forgive you” doesn’t work for me. I have written two articles on forgiving, one on the Ho’Oponapona Prayer  and I’ve done a fill-in-the-blank protocol to give you a framework to do some tapping. The forgiveness probably won’t happen over night, but with patience and some work, it will shift things for you.

So why not get busy right now? Work on forgiving the one with whom you are holding a grudge. Be ready to have a more relaxed holiday. Please call for an appointment if you would like help with this at 512-444-9777. And please write or email your successes to me. I wish you the best and a happy holiday season.

Forgiving is often hard to do. Here is an Emotional Freedom Technique tapping protocol for self-forgiveness and for forgiveness of others that I devised for myself. Please add your own comments as you tap, and customize it for your particular needs. Add another round, or as many as it takes to release the unkind thoughts you have.

If you don’t know the tapping points sequence for EFT, see instructions to get help.

What do I need to forgive myself for?

Find one thing that you haven’t forgiven yourself for.

SUD (pick a number from 1 -10 on how intense the feeling is)

ET (Even though) I haven’t forgiven myself for ________________, I completely love and accept myself.

ETI still beat myself up for _______________, I forgive and honor myself.

ETI am holding onto this lack of forgiveness, I’m now ready to let this go.

• All this lack of forgiveness
• I don’t deserve forgiveness
• I should have my butt kicked
• Why couldn’t I behave differently?
• This nagging lack of forgiveness
• All this self-criticism
• All these ugly thoughts
• Sometimes, I just hate myself.

ET I’ve been hard on myself, I love and accept myself.

ET I’ve been tough on myself, I forgive and honor myself.

ET I’ve ridden myself, I’m willing and able to let this go.

• Sometimes I’m too hard on myself
• Sometimes I just can’t let it go
• I’m a very hard taskmaster
• I’m harder on myself than others
• Maybe I can let this go
• It wears me down
• It’s not worth it
• I think I can do it.

Now check your SUD. If it’s down to a 2 or less, you may feel ready to move to resolution. If not, then work some more on it, using your own creativity to figure out what you need next.

Move into some resolution for yourself.

ET I ‘ve been mean to myself, I completely love and accept myself.

ET I’ve got a lot more going for me than this one situation and I don’t deserve to keep punishing myself, I forgive and honor myself.

ET I’ve been unkind, I’ll do better now.

• Sometimes, I forget who I am
• I’m a child of the Universe
• Others love me.
• Actually I’m a pretty good person
• I’ve decided to let this thing go
• I deserve it
• I am loved
• I am moving on from this incident.

Who needs forgiveness from me? Get SUD

ET ____________ (this person) hurt me

ET ____________________ offended me

ET ____________________ has caused me a lot of pain

• He/she hurt me
• She/he is such a jerk
• How did I possibly conjure this person into my life?
• Was I such a terrible person in a past life?
• I didn’t deserve this
• I’m not letting this go.
• No siree! I’ve got my shields up.
• They don’t deserve my forgiveness.

Get SUD

ET I’m still pissed about being mistreated, I completely love and accept myself.

ETI still feel upset about this person’s nasty attitude, I forgive and honor myself.

ET it wasn’t right, I’m ready to let this go as a gift to myself.

• Piffle! He doesn’t deserve it
• Well, maybe I can let some of it go.
• No, I can’t. That wouldn’t be fair to me.
• Well, maybe it would be fair to me.
• Then I wouldn’t be carrying him on my back
• Jerk!
•  Why do people like that exist?
• But maybe he has some good qualities

Get a SUD

ETI would like to kick him/her, I completely love and accept myself

ET it is hard to let this affront go, as it has affected my life deeply, I forgive and honor myself.

ET he/she doesn’t deserve to be forgiven, I’m the one holding all of this ick and I would like to let it go!

• I can see the advantages of letting this go
• I just don’t want to let go yet.
• I’m feeling pretty stubborn about this.
• I’ve held this anger and upset so long
• Maybe I could lay down a little of it.
• I deserve a break
• I want to let go
• I could use some help letting this go.

Get a SUD

• Okay, I’m letting go of this death grip
• It’s already feeling better
• I can do this
• Letting go of the resentment
• Breathing easier
• I’m going to do this
• I don’t have to love him (or her)
• I just need to let the animosity and hurt go

Get a SUD

• I’m worthy to feel good
• It’s not worth it to hold on
• I’m ready for a breakthrough
• I’m relaxing about this issue
• I’m feeling better from my head to my toes
• I’m finding my comfort zone
• This forgiveness will take place with ease and grace
• I’m writing a new future – Yahoo!

If this is a deeply-held resentment, it may take several times and your own creativity with your statements to let it go. If you desire some help, call me for an appointment. 512-444-9777 or Dr.Robin@CompassionateClearing.com

Robin Heart Shepperd, EFT practitioner
Austin, Texas
512-444-9777

Appointments available in person, by phone, or by Skype

Ho’oponopono
(Ancient Hawaiian Clearing Method)
For you to do your own clearing work

If I have offended you in any way
I apologize
Please forgive me
I forgive you
Thank you
I love you

Perhaps you’ve heard the now-famous story about Dr. Hew Len, a clinical psychologist, transforming a mental institution for the criminally insane in Hawaii. The hospital was a dangerous cesspool of scary residents and low employee morale. Dr. Hew Len looked at patient files daily and did clearing on himself with Ho’oponapona, an ancient Hawaiian prayer. He never worked directly with the patients. Mysteriously, his patients got well and were released from the institution within three months to a year without him ever doing verbal therapy with them.

The Hawaiians believe we create our own reality (imagine that!) and therefore, whatever we see before us is our own creation. So, if a person is offensive to us, it is our creation, and our perception needs to be acknowledged, forgiven and healed by God/dess, Divine, Universe.

Does that include the war? Does that include murders? Dr. Hew Len says a resounding “Yes!” We are responsible for everything in our lives. That includes the good, the bad, and the ugly.

The minute he hears himself mentally or verbally complaining about any incident, condition or person, Dr. Hew Len says he immediately does Ho’oponapona to clear himself of those creations.( He actually says ‘I’m sorry’ instead of ‘I apologize’, and you may choose to do that.)

That’s pretty remarkable – a tool that could be valuable in our own lives.

Ho’oponapona is a modified version of an ancient Hawaiian clearing method taught by Serge King, Dr. Hew Len, other Hawaiian shamans, and explained by Joe Vitale in “Zero Limits – The Secret Hawaiian System for Wealth, Health, Peace, and More”. The original version begins: “If I or my ancestors have offended you in any way, I’m sorry…

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